while making my bedtime rounds

normal

Over the course of this licensing process I've discovered a whole new level of tired: post homestudy tired. Yep. After answering lots of questions and really just being honest and hoping you convey that you're a fairly well-rounded person with a reasonable amount of childhood issues that you're not unreasonably hung up about, that you're a good parent, that you have a healthy marriage on all fronts (ahem), and your discipline practices are acceptable, and you have enough self-esteem, and your home is safe for small children, and you are basically at peace with your life and self-aware but not self-centered, just basically that you're not a ridiculous person, ETCETERA.......you are tired to your toenails.

It's kind of like one of those three hour talks with a close friend where you disclose all sorts of personal information, except there is absolutely no reciprocation, no mirroring, and the other person remains neutral and offers no opinion, approval or disapproval of anything you say. And then you start to feel just a wee bit scared.

I feel so unsettled. Am I weird? Am I normal? Do you like me? Yay, I'm thirteen again! Or three days post-partum. 

After the homestudy was over and I got Nicky from school, Ricky and I just laid on the floor while the kids played and threw various stuffed animals at us, willing ourselves to have energy so we could do things like eat dinner and bathe the littles and then slowly sink into a vegetative state.

We have been studied.

Let's hope I return to my only slightly paranoid self in the morning.

secondhand smoke, teething, and other stuff

Saturday morning, having been summoned from my bed a little after six and still groggy, I made some popcorn. It was the fastest thing I could think of to feed the boys (and kind of Saturday morning-ish) and gave me a few minutes to drink some much-needed coffee. Really, the point of all that was that Nicky was eating it and started choking a little bit. So he coughed, and cleared out the offending piece of popcorn, and then said "must have been some secondhand smoke." And we laughed, and after that I was awake. I love that boy.

This week has been satisfyingly busy. Sunday I cleaned the whole house in preparation for the home-study, which was Monday, and wouldn't you know we sat on the couch doing my interview the entire time. I will never complain about a clean house though. I even organized some things I've been putting off. There's plenty of home-study to go, not to mention many other foster-care related things to get done, but it's really nice to have the ball rolling. I'm excited for what 2012 may hold.

Silas is getting molars. He is just all about the teeth, that baby. He's pretty fussy with all that going on, but right now happily distracted playing in big brother's room. He does a little happy dance in my arms every time I take him in there. I suppose they'll be sharing a room soon enough.

And, a few Penny pictures just because.

Maybe tonight Nicky can learn about emphysema. Good times.

funny stuff about Nicky

• On Wednesday morning Nicky woke me up at 6:20, already dressed, to let me know that he was making himself a "ham and no cheese sandwich" for his lunch, and Penny had jumped up and taken it off the kitchen counter, so he put her in time out, and he was on his way to start again. Also, he was wearing his backpack.
• He told Ricky today that he loves Mommy 100 and he loves Papa 30. So I win by 70%. Ouch for Papa. (I only gloat because I know my coolness will not last).
• He took his red cowboy hat to school today, because he wants to be a "kindergartener cowboy" like his new friend
• He is currently wearing two plastic rings. One is orange and glows in the dark, the other has a red heart on it.
• He likes to bring us snacks, like the other day when Ricky and I were sitting outside talking, and he saw us through the back door and then showed up a minute later with three Capri Suns and a big smile. 
• He has four requests for his birthday: a Buzz Lightyear, a Spiderman mask, a Spiderman costume, and a Buzz Lightyear with a rocket ship.
• Since he can't whistle yet, he calls Penny with a high-pitched squealy sort of noise. It's awesome.
• He says "funder" and "light-ming"

he's growing up

"You know, Mommy, kisses don't actually work."

-Nicky to me after I kiss an owie on his leg

Nicky in 2008

in which Silas is perplexed

Nicky = cute

Today at lunchtime, as we were standing in line to order food, Nicky wanted to go sit at the table with his friend. We said he could, and as he ran after the friend he stopped, looked back and cracked a huge grin as he said, "I'm just going to borrow myself."