a sweet day

Introducing our daughter, Aimee Lucia. Arrived to our our home June 21, 2012, just six weeks old. Adopted on September 3, 2013, nearly sixteen months old. Daughter of our hearts all the way in between, and beyond.

Something you should know about Aimee is that she delights in removing frippery from her hair. And she has a mother who keeps trying with the frippery, because she can't help herself.

We gathered in a courtroom, and said our vows of sorts. We said out loud the promises we made long ago. When the judge said "hereby adopted" I held myself together, just barely. Then we were ordered to hug and kiss, and happy to oblige.

Sister got to be judge for a day. The gavel was a bit heavy, but I think she felt powerful nonetheless.

I can't imagine a more lighthearted, happy court event. Having my uncle serve as our attorney made it extra special.

Dear friends, social workers, and people who have just about carried us through parts of this journey gathered to witness. The room was full of pure joy. I'll never forget what that felt like. 

Aimee's personality is really shining through lately. She seeks out other "littles", and plays sneaky games, squeals and shrieks and throws her hands up, and bounces around to music. She and Silas are likely up to something if they're together. It's happy chaos.

                                    

And now we know she likes frozen yogurt.

                                        

All of this and more will be scribbled down into her baby book-the one I bought months ago but haven't yet cracked open. So much to say, so much to remember. I didn't really expect to feel different, but I do. I didn't realize I would sigh so deeply with relief and gladness.

*photos by Heath Haussamen

just because

Just because I had an early meeting, and now I'm gathering tax documents and folding laundry, crossing t's and dotting i's, and days behind on my reading,

just because I want to remember how Silas runs with his arms bent up high, a little like Sid the Science Kid,

and because Nicky-boy ran and jumped up on me when I picked up him from school,

and because Silas likes to wear hats,

and because of her lashes, and little yellow dresses, and grass that's starting to turn,

and just because my boys play together so much now,

and because a nice old man gave them a walking stick. Pick one out, hijo, that's right, go ahead! Because honorary grandparents exist all around.

Because it's a windy first day of Spring, and I miss them while I cross things off my list. Just because.

the littles, right now

Nicky will spend a few minutes describing to you the "features" of whatever weaponized Lego spaceship he just built, then run off to watch Tinker Bell on Netflix. He's well-rounded like that ;). He's a bit more emotional these days. I read something once about a six year-old developing more of an internal life, and I think that's happening with him. This is the part of parenting where kids start to need their own tools, it seems, more than before. I can't climb inside his head and fix things, but I can try to help him express his feelings and adjust his expectations (bedtime often comes as a harsh blow, when he's trying to squeeze 17,000 things into one evening.) He can recite his times tables like a pro, and play his chords and scales on the piano more easily and in time with the metronome, thanks to lots of practice with Papa. He comes home from school talking about girlfriends and break-ups, and generally has no idea what he's saying, but it's leading to some Conversations. We're trying to balance maintaining his sweet innocence with not throwing him to the wolves at school. He loves pizza and a movie night, usually Friday, and I love how he reminds us of it and takes joy in picking out a movie. He's still so little, but getting so big. 

Silas says "beedy" for really. As in: beedy hot, beedy cold, beedy good. He's putting lots of phrases together, like can I see this? and singing his abc's and counting to ten; it's the magical memorization stage.   He's all about Youtube toddler songs, playing swords with Nicky, reading books before his nap, and saying "I say" before letting us know just what he wants. He's mastered the art of being a cute scoundrel (how do toddlers know these things?). When we pray before dinner, he covers his face and whispers something like thank you for this food and then Amen! and looks around smiling. He breaks into song here and there throughout the day. Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle and BINGO are favorites. 

Little Miss loves baths these days. She and Silas have that in common; it's a source of entertainment some days. Another development: she's a squealer, especially when she sees Ricky. She's scootching around on the floor a bit more, and looking bigger too. She has two bottom teeth, holds her own bottle, and loves to stand while holding onto things. She also doesn't mess around when she wants something. The girl is loud when she wants to be. She's more of a snuggler lately. She cries to be picked up, not necessarily just because she's hungry or tired or needs something else. I love that she misses us, and how much more connected everything feels these days.

a gift of the rarest sort

my sweet,

It's Monday morning, and here we are, still in our jammies, you on my lap showing off your new bottle-holding skills. Oh, we've been working on this. For months, I've taken your little hands and put them on the bottle, and you've thrown them out and cried with a familiar frightened look on your face. So many things are scary to you, darling, and we're often caught between pushing forward and comforting. It's a dance that seems to be more graceful these days, after months of decidedly un-graceful learning on my part.

Last night, you weren't feeling very well. You were coughing and had a runny nose, and couldn't sleep because the cough kept waking you up. We decided to give you a warm bath, and so Papa got the kitchen sink cleaned up for you, and I sat you in the water, thinking you would probably just tolerate it for a few minutes. Instead you sat quietly in the water, and looked around, attempted little splashes, wide-eyed and calm. What a treat it was to see you enjoy that bath. Afterward, I rubbed some Baby Vicks onto your chest, and Papa set up the humidifier in your room, and I put you in your warmest jammies. You sat and snuggled with us for a bit and then you slept, all night.

I want you to know how much we love you; how much we want you to be happy and safe and comfortable.  You're having to fight for some things, but you have people here to fight with you and for you. The world is gradually becoming less scary; these things take time. All shall be well.

I'm still learning how to be your mother. I've only known babies who charge forward way too quickly. So you are a gift of the rarest sort, because we get to savor each stage a little longer.

......

Now it's Friday morning, and you're sleeping. You've laughed and played so much this week! I know you've been feeling so much better, and what a difference that makes. It also seems like we've crossed over to new territory though. I see you enjoying so many things; my heart is full.

I can't wait for more wide-eyed moments, more laughter, more curiosity. But when you need to just be held, and lay your head down, we'll all be here for that too. Take your time; amaze us all.

with love,

your Mommy


All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. -Julian of Norwich

7 months old

Little Miss turned seventh months old on Wednesday.

She's had a rough week, this one. She got the virus that descended on our house, and despite our efforts to make her comfortable, looked pretty miserable. She's probably the easiest sick baby in history though, because she basically just slept when she wasn't eating. Thankfully, we're on the upward swing. I'd rather be sick myself any day than have a sick baby. There's no way to explain to them why everything is suddenly terrible.

In other news, she's rolling onto her tummy like a champ, and is thisclose to sitting up on her own. Wrapping the boppy pillow around her works really well. And, she sat in a restaurant highchair for the first time the other night, with my jacket filling in all the extra space.

She also had her first infant massage session yesterday, which she just barely tolerated, but we have another appointment next week that will hopefully go better when she's feeling normal again. The masseuse was very understanding, and Little Miss did seem to have a better day after that, so I think it helped.

It seems like things have slowed down a bit developmentally, but I keep remembering something my uncle said a few weeks ago--"it just means she gets to be a baby a little longer."

That is a thought that makes me smile. Happy 7 months baby!

right now Little Miss is...

....six months old! This is my favorite part of infancy--you know, the part where they can sit up, play, laugh and interact but not crawl just yet! We're still working on the sitting, but she's getting close.

Our family has settled into a routine again. It feels good, and peaceful. We know what to do now, after many months of not. I'm so glad.

She's making such amazing progress, this little one. She is:

• playing on her tummy, showing tons of curiosity, reaching for whatever's in sight
• playing dentist--examining our teeth while she drinks her milk
• trying new foods--oatmeal, banana, sweet potato, squash, prunes (to help it all on its way), pears, apples, carrots, egg yolk, avocado and olive oil in her bottles. The last three are recommendations from a nutritionist that came to see us. She's still on a prescription formula that smells terrible, but she seems to like it okay. Some very kind friends have donated breast milk too, so she gets that occasionally. (On that note, I have tried to get my milk supply back, since Silas had only been weaned for about 3 months when we got her. Sadly, no dice. I just couldn't find the time to pump as much as I needed to--about 8 times a day. And I just don't have the energy to fool with an SNS. I'm sad about it, but telling myself to let it be. A mama can only do what she can do.) 
• weighing in a 11 pounds, 2 ounces. Finally made it past 10 pounds! Still gaining in ounces each month.
• wearing size 3 month clothes. She's so long and skinny, it's hard to find things that fit! The jeggings/skinny jeans trend is working for us.
• laughing and smiling a lot. She smiles the biggest for Papa. He can calm her down when I just can't. I think we may have a daddy's girl :) Makes my heart happy.
• loving to sit in the swing with her little owl blanket. Sometimes she falls asleep, but usually she just holds on to it and looks around. 
• still calmed by being swaddled. There are still times when it seems she just gets overwhelmed/overstimulated/something else, and all I can do is swaddle her snugly and put her in her crib. Every time, she stops crying and just looks around for a while. It's a lifesaver, for both of us.
• prop-sitting and almost rolling onto her tummy. Her biggest therapy focus right now is encouraging her to roll intentionally. I'm told that comes before full-blown sitting. 
• chomping on her fingers a lot of the time. Not interested in a paci, except with medicine. Pulling our fingers into her mouth. Figuring out how to get her toys in her mouth.
• sporting a pretty sweet faux-hawk when she wakes up in the morning.

So there it is--our sweet girl at six months.