Friday, January 18, 2013

a gift of the rarest sort

my sweet,

It's Monday morning, and here we are, still in our jammies, you on my lap showing off your new bottle-holding skills. Oh, we've been working on this. For months, I've taken your little hands and put them on the bottle, and you've thrown them out and cried with a familiar frightened look on your face. So many things are scary to you, darling, and we're often caught between pushing forward and comforting. It's a dance that seems to be more graceful these days, after months of decidedly un-graceful learning on my part.

Last night, you weren't feeling very well. You were coughing and had a runny nose, and couldn't sleep because the cough kept waking you up. We decided to give you a warm bath, and so Papa got the kitchen sink cleaned up for you, and I sat you in the water, thinking you would probably just tolerate it for a few minutes. Instead you sat quietly in the water, and looked around, attempted little splashes, wide-eyed and calm. What a treat it was to see you enjoy that bath. Afterward, I rubbed some Baby Vicks onto your chest, and Papa set up the humidifier in your room, and I put you in your warmest jammies. You sat and snuggled with us for a bit and then you slept, all night.

I want you to know how much we love you; how much we want you to be happy and safe and comfortable.  You're having to fight for some things, but you have people here to fight with you and for you. The world is gradually becoming less scary; these things take time. All shall be well.

I'm still learning how to be your mother. I've only known babies who charge forward way too quickly. So you are a gift of the rarest sort, because we get to savor each stage a little longer.

Now it's Friday morning, and you're sleeping. You've laughed and played so much this week! I know you've been feeling so much better, and what a difference that makes. It also seems like we've crossed over to new territory though. I see you enjoying so many things; my heart is full.

I can't wait for more wide-eyed moments, more laughter, more curiosity. But when you need to just be held, and lay your head down, we'll all be here for that too. Take your time; amaze us all.

with love,

your Mommy

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. -Julian of Norwich

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