Friday, December 28, 2012

2012 in Review

roll away your stone, I'll roll away mine
together we can see what we will find
                            -Mumford and Sons

Here are some of my favorite moments and words from 2012.

In January, I pondered the mysterious nature of joy, we started the homestudy process for foster adoption, and I spent precious time with my fishbaby. Nicky broke his arm, Silas got pretty good at walking, and I gave myself permission to give up sometimes, which turned out to be a pretty healthy habit.

In February, I captured a moment with Ricky, spent a beautiful evening with my family and gave thanks for it, and thought about Christianity; about who's in and who's out. We continued being studied.

In March, Spring came, and I was reminded once again that everything is spiritualI caught a fresh glimpse of God's heart and found hope.

In April I turned 29, and listed some gifts. I got my first tattoo, and we officially became foster parents. I celebrated the capability of mothers, as part of the Mother Letters project.

Nicky graduated from kindergarten in May,  and I thought about what a cool kid he is. We took care of a sweet little girl for a long weekend, our first foster placement. I wrote out the process of spiritual deconstruction and rebuilding. It was pretty emotionally exhausting to sift through it all, but at the end I found some clarity.

In June, I craved quiet and stillness in the midst of kid-chaos, but found I had what I needed. Our world changed when Little Miss came to live with us, just a tiny wisp at six weeks old. 

July was a bit of a blur. We adjusted (sort of) to having three littles in the house, and to all the extra appointments and visits on our calendar.

In August, I wondered how to be a Christian in light of intense, disappointing culture wars, we took a family vacation, and Nicky started first grade at a new school.

In September I gave myself a pep-talk. We celebrated Nicky's sixth birthday with friends and family.

In October, Little Miss laughed, Ricky and I went to San Diego by ourselves for three days and celebrated seven years of marriage, and I wrote about keeping up with therapy for Little Miss.

In November, Little Miss turned six months old. I thought about the humanity in the Bible. We celebrated Silas' second birthday with a fun, cozy brunch.

And finally, December! We put up Christmas decorations, and I practiced the art of letting go. I followed some more bread crumbs, dreamed of being a mystic, and wrote a manifesto of sorts, and gave thanks for our precious gifts.

At the beginning of 2012, I wrote that I wanted my word for the year to be Generous, but looking back, Brave seems more appropriate. I'm not exactly sure where it came from, but I spoke out more, questioned more, and took chances, not just for the sake of these things but in hopes of real change. Of course, progress isn't linear and I had to revisit plenty of familiar things (and probably will some more), but I do believe a good kind of stubbornness has taken root in me. The kind that says "this is not okay" and works to make things better. The kind that quits the victim mentality and starts living out dreams. I can only take it as a gift. Also, Ricky and I have the best marriage we've ever had. We've learned to be on the same team, how to support each other and cheer each other on. Things are not always perfect, but I think that learning to parent three (three!) children has truly made us a team, at least in part because it's been so challenging that neither of us could do it on our own.

I'm closing out this year feeling so grateful, and thinking about what lies ahead. 2013 will likely be a year of big changes (we hope so), and I'm debating making some changes to this blog as well. We shall see.

Happy New Year to you! May you tear down and build up; may you find peace; may your dreams come true in their due time; may you see God's heart and be filled with hope, over and over again.

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