one thing that makes me the most sad about “church” is how few places we have for deconstruction. the mystics and desert mothers & fathers knew that seeking something deeper was a natural part of spiritual growth. they weren’t afraid of questions & doubts and trusted the guiding, faithful work of the Holy Spirit to keep showing sojourners the way. we, however, have built systems, buildings, and organizations upon certainty, right belief, and a clear path that makes us feel comfortable.
-Kathy EscobarSo, I've been reading through and processing this series of posts by Kathy Escobar, a pastor from Denver, Colorado who I discovered earlier this year. I think one of these days I just need to drive up to Denver, find her church and give her a hug (and maybe ugly cry) because her writing has been a Godsend.
It makes me think of the line from the movie Shadowlands, where one of C.S. Lewis' students tells him "we read to know we're not alone." That has stayed with me over the years, and I am so grateful to have found kindred spirits both on the internet and in person. And I am grateful for people who forge paths, and give us language that is useful for figuring this stuff out. She describes deconstruction as a time where:
...much of what we believe shifts.Sounds incredibly familiar to me. So I'm going to blog through this series, and at least get this whole process straight in my head. I've been writing about this stuff here for a while now, but not in such a structured way. Structure just might be helpful....
where things we once held dear unravel.
where the number of questions begin to overtake all of our past certainties.
where we find ourselves saying “uh oh, our faith might be in big trouble.”
where we lose the safety of familiar communities because we’ve changed.
This is in no way an attack on any person or institution. It's really just about me and God, and my hope for better things. This has been a looooonnnng process, and it's still going on, and it may continue for quite some time. Only God knows I guess. So if this frustrates you, that is so okay. Trust me, I get plenty frustrated with myself. But if it resonates with you too, know that you are not alone. And I hope that sharing my story here is helpful in some way. And if you feel compelled, you can share your story here too, or head over to Kathy's blog and join the conversation there. Let's get this stuff out in the open.