Friday, February 3, 2012

normal

Over the course of this licensing process I've discovered a whole new level of tired: post homestudy tired. Yep. After answering lots of questions and really just being honest and hoping you convey that you're a fairly well-rounded person with a reasonable amount of childhood issues that you're not unreasonably hung up about, that you're a good parent, that you have a healthy marriage on all fronts (ahem), and your discipline practices are acceptable, and you have enough self-esteem, and your home is safe for small children, and you are basically at peace with your life and self-aware but not self-centered, just basically that you're not a ridiculous person, ETCETERA.......you are tired to your toenails.

It's kind of like one of those three hour talks with a close friend where you disclose all sorts of personal information, except there is absolutely no reciprocation, no mirroring, and the other person remains neutral and offers no opinion, approval or disapproval of anything you say. And then you start to feel just a wee bit scared.

I feel so unsettled. Am I weird? Am I normal? Do you like me? Yay, I'm thirteen again! Or three days post-partum. 

After the homestudy was over and I got Nicky from school, Ricky and I just laid on the floor while the kids played and threw various stuffed animals at us, willing ourselves to have energy so we could do things like eat dinner and bathe the littles and then slowly sink into a vegetative state.

We have been studied.

Let's hope I return to my only slightly paranoid self in the morning.

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