Monday, January 30, 2012

bread crumbs: joy

Joy is mysterious to me, how it sneaks up and surprises. Yesterday morning, as I sat in church and listened to my pastor talk about serving the poor, reaching out to the lonely, and raising children to love Jesus and do the same, I was absolutely filled with it. We sang about vision; we heard stories of beautiful things that have already happened. I felt assurance rise up in me, and I felt the absence of a great weight.

I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace*.

Lately there are hints of the divine everywhere. It's there, calling to me, and I commune with my Savior as the days pass. There is no special ritual really, we just walk together. This is what it looks like right now.

There are seasons where I can't seem to see past my own front door; where I'm overwhelmed with inner struggles. And then, one day, it just lifts, and I find I have a bit of wisdom to tuck away. Some days I choose joy and some days it chooses me. Joy doesn't really make sense; it just is.

I stumble out of a cave and I twirl in the sunlight, and there are several truths to contend with. One is that a force other than myself drew me out of it, and so I will not take that for granted. The other is that I will keep spending time in the cave, because there are precious lessons to be learned there. This is a journey, but I'm finding more and more that it's not linear. And if we have to revisit things, and look them over a few more times, there's a reason.

I am learning to embrace the mystery of it all.

*from Matthew 11, The Message

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