Thursday, October 20, 2011

some thoughts on now

1. Silas spends his days exploring every nook and cranny of the house that he can.

We push the chair around to practice walking. He's getting close, but I think his love of crawling will stave off the walking for a while. He's 11 months old today!

2. Nicky came home from school with a girl's phone number in his folder. He says (nonchalantly) that he told her he would really like to play at her house and so she wrote her name and number down for him. We laughed quite a bit over that one and Ricky congratulated him on getting his first number. Who needs parents to set up playdates anyway? We also had his first parent teacher conference last week. His teacher had such nice things to say about him (what parent doesn't love that) and said she can tell he has a compassionate heart. He's also kind of a perfectionist, and will erase things if they don't come out just right. So he's not finishing some assignments. We're working on that at home- whoever invented sticker charts was a genius.

3. I am in a closet cleaning mood. Tuesday it was the pantry (inspired by Pinterest), this morning the laundry room and this afternoon Silas' closet, after he wakes up. It is so darn satisfying and I'm coming up with lots of stuff for our upcoming yard sale. I think I am nesting....because:

4. We are making plans to adopt. I'm so excited! And nervous, and a million other things. We've been talking about it since we were dating, but made the decision a few months ago to actively pursue adoption. I've been gathering information since then, and we've both been processing the idea quite a bit (it's funny how you can think about something for years but when you actually decide to take action it feels totally different).We talked to Nicky about it- his response was about the same as when we told him I was pregnant with Silas-kind of neutral. He lives in the moment, so it will probably take him a while to "get it".

As far as the how and when, I don't know. We want to adopt a toddler, and we would love to have a little girl. After gathering information, it seems our best options are either foster adoption or international adoption. We're leaning toward foster adoption at this point, and have been in touch with CYFD. We attended their orientation for foster care and adoption a few nights ago, and now just need a little time to think and pray. The need is tremendous, and we are drawn to it-that much is certain. We would need to be foster parents first and provide respite care to other foster families. At first I was totally closed to that idea, but my heart is changing. I was closed to it because of fear, and because I want to be able to adopt sooner than later. Fostering first means waiting, and taking our hands off the reins, and possibly having our hearts broken. It means complicating our lives, and exposing some of the pain of the world to the boys. But it also means providing a service that is desperately needed and helping to reunite families. It means playmates and new friends and a house full of life, and the opportunity to offer some peace, stability and love to precious little ones who've been neglected.  What a privilege that would be. And I think that Nicky and Silas need to see the pain of the world, and learn early what's important and what's not.... it's just hard to know how to do that wisely.

So I'm praying for wisdom, pulling back my impulsive inner self that's yelling Yes! Of course! right now. Just give it a few days, self. Back to cleaning out closets, making space and looking for clarity.

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