Tuesday, January 11, 2011

on days like these

I cannot seem to get one thing done. As much as I love my little bundle of sweetness, I'm overcome with the urge to clean the floor. Puppy paw-prints and spilled juice and who knows what else....I just want to sit down this afternoon and not see all of that. But Silas is ravenous in this latest growth spurt, so I just nurse and nurse instead, forced to sit still.

I struggle. I want what's just ahead, instead of enjoying the now as much as I could. After all, the puppy prints will be back about five minutes after I mop. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and remind myself of all the time I spent dreaming about this little one, and how much I will miss this when he's bigger. My frustration builds in spite of my good intentions. Sometimes all I can do is wave the white flag and whisper help. It's the simple things that are so hard, for some reason.

So many days I feel like this. But, at the end of the day, I realize things have been accomplished. I showered. I loaded the dishwasher. I bribed Nicky to trace some letters; each letter traced = one smartie.

I do love being in control. Good thing I have kids to help me with that issue. I need to just get over it. And enjoy sitting still.

Now he's asleep and I could be mopping the floor, but here I am. I need an outlet like this, to remind myself of what's important and to refuel. Nicky's been fascinated with the South Pole lately and he's watching March of the Penguins in the other room. I think I'll go join him.

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